Bastard Out of Carolina, Chapter 4

"Yeah, Glen loves Anney. He loves her like a gambler loves a fast racehorse or a desperate man loves whiskey. That kind of love eats a man up. I don't trust that boy, don't want our Anney marrying him."

The definition of love is skewed from Bone throughout the novel. As a retrospective narrator, I believe the adult Bone knows what love is, but the child Bone had a distorted sense of the meaning. Why do we call a table a table? For the simple fact that we've been told that this object with four legs is a table is defined as such, and we've been told it our entire lives. My point is that I'm not at all surprised by the sheer number of people who have an unhealthy notion of the meaning of love. "Love" can be obsession, hurt, greed, or selfishness in sheep’s' clothing. Daddy Glen probably thinks that what he feels for Anney is love because that's what he was taught. The Bible says that love isn't jealous, and love is kind. I believe that. However, love IS protective. Daddy Glen takes it to the extreme by becoming jealous of Anney's child, greedy in the raw. He does not understand that there are different kinds of love. He wants Anney's undivided attention. He has never had a child of his own, so perhaps he is missing some paternal understanding that is said to come the second your first child is born. I speak not out of experience, but out of a projected idea. What I do know is that Daddy Glen isn't healthy in the heart or in the head, both in the perpetual and literal senses.

The lines I've lifted from the text turn my stomach into knots. I have been "loved" by someone whose actions and emotions reminded me of those of a gambler or an alcoholic. More often than not they are also alcoholics and gamblers, too. What's difficult is when you love one of these people in return, thinking you are both on the same page. Unfortunately, my young heart was hurt most when I caught on to their attraction being motivated by pride, a sense of ownership over something/someone that couldn't be bought with money, and domination. There I was, thinking about beautiful souls and they were simply name dropping. How people treat each other behind closed doors says a lot about the health of their relationship. When a boy is annoyingly all over a girl in public, and then chills to a cold touch when nobody is looking, something isn't right. People abuse and misuse their significant others, grow angry out of fear of that person leaving, and then in turn attempt to oppress then to keep them from leaving. Being in a relationship is a privilege, not a right, but it seems that people lose touch with that fact. Rather than lifting their partner up they try to keep them down, keep them second-guessing themselves, keep them thinking that they are lucky to be with the abuser. I use the term "abuse" lightly and quite liberally here, but it can range from small words to mind games to actual physical abuse.

A gambler seeks thrills through risking everything. A gambler can only keep a high for so long.

Alcoholics are addicted to a substance. Misguided lovers use this substance to mask their own flaws and insecurities, tend to ignore what cannot be kept at bay, and end up hiding from the confrontation of reality.

This kind of love is not stable. Much like a free radical in the body that is not stable, this kind of love can lead to destruction.

An interesting documentary to add to your "must watch" list is titled, "The woman who loves a psychopath"...I think...a highly regarded program which I found fascinating. You have the right one if it is about a European couple.